himself, shafiqqsani

how i look at myself, n see how ive grown so much. i cant say i dont like it, cause i do. its honestly, just a relief to wake up, n not have to be my old self anymore. i really think that this is my time, its my time to love, be happy, and just not care. its time i approach this new season with a ray of hope. sometimes, as lame as this is, i do wish, everynight, from bed, i thank whoevers up there, just cause my curious mind always wanders. 

the 21

so im 21 years old, ive grown, ive learned, ive laughed, ive loved, let me start off by saying the phrase nobody like you when you are 21, stand very strong. at first, i thought it was an ok age. seemed better than 20, and younger then 22. little did i know, the number 21 had trapped me inside a box in which i have trouble escaping. life gets harder with every number, yet more beautiful with lesson learned. this is why i cannot say i have any regrets. i have made stupid decisions, said stupid thing, and of course have done stupid things. ive accepted, ive even forgotten. i would not change a thing. sometimes hurting can feel good. it makes you feel alive. it lets you know that at the end of it all, the hurt will turn into a heal, which of course makes you stronger. every obstacle ive run into in my life base made me more aware n in shape for the next one. you cant give up. you need to know there will be more shitty one, more inconvenient one and absolutely more unnecessary one - but is all for something if we had nothing to fight through, nothing to hurt us, would will be able wake up the next day knowing what was yet to come just to accept it with arms wide open knowing you will get thru it ? probably not. so why regret ? why look back ? the only thing looking back will do is keep you from focusing on the road ahead, in which case you might just hit a deer, or a tree, or some sort of pointless object sitting in the middle of the road. bottom line is, stop looking back. stop looking forward. just look. live it. breathe it. love it. know that tomorrow today will be gone. know that today tomorrow will come. although you feel like your heart is crumbling within you, or you legs are wearing thin, give tonight a chance to help heal you. bedtime is the time to let all your worries go. its the one excuse to forget about anything and everything - because you deserve it, and you earned it. you lived another day successfully. you always it to yourself to take care of it tomorrow. you always it to yourself for one moment out of the entire 24 hours to float aimlessly into space without any direction or reason, without any purpose or plan. as i sit here half broken, i know tomorrow i will wake up half fixed.